My shoulders have built up scar tissue from trying to carry the weight of the world on them. When you’re busy trying to save the world from their problems, you end up with a heap of your own. So I’m just trying to be the best version of myself: ever improving, always evolving, and fucking fabulous. If I’ve learned anything from Sex and the City’s unapologetic, Samantha Jones it’s how to get through life a little more carefree and not turning into anyone’s doormat.
1. “I love you but I love me more.”
Our goal is to fill ourselves with goodness and self love until we spill over. The ‘spill over’ is what is shared with those closest to us. The reality is, whatever you fill your self with is what you share with the world. If you fill yourself with despair and hopelessness, that is the exact energy you will pass on in your relationships. Be mindful of what you bring to the table and understand that it’s ok to take a time out from relationships to focus on the one you have with yourself.
2. “Sweetheart, you can’t go listening to every fucking little voice that runs through your head. You’ll go nuts.”
It’s not difficult to drive yourself mad with ‘what ifs’ and ‘worst case scenarios’. In fact, researchers say we have up to 70,000 thoughts per day. It would be chaos to give power to all of them. I haven’t mastered meditation yet but I find it helpful to allow the mind time to quiet itself. Once we are connected to our core beliefs and values, it’s not as difficult to access the necessary thoughts and weed out the noise.
3. “I will not be judged by you or society. I will wear whatever, and blow whomever I want, as long as I can breathe and kneel.”
Life isn’t about making choices that please others or align with status quo. Conformity is death to innovation, art, and pretty much anything amazing. Authenticity takes precedence to popular belief whether it’s your sense of style, sexuality, or worldly views. Take risks. Do you. Who cares what they think?
4. “If I worried what every bitch in New York was saying about me, I’d never leave the house.”
Once you decide to live authentically, there will be naysayers. Some of your own friends may become your biggest haters. But that shouldn’t stop you. You have the right to turn a deaf ear and a blind eye to these people because they will slow you down. Don’t let small minds throw you shade while you’re trying to shine. Keep on keeping on.
5. “We’re as fucked up as you. It’s the blind leading the blind.”
We’re all just trying to get through the day and make the best decisions for our existence. No one is born with all the knowledge. And I believe true wisdom is understanding that all the answers to life aren’t possible. We can try. We can share what has worked in the past. But we’re all flawed. We all fall short. We can help one another in love, but there are no guarantees.
I grew up obsessed with the clickity-clack rhythmic sound of powerful women walking on marble floors. I longed to be one of them. You see, I never dreamt of myself as a someone’s bride. I never wanted to be anyone’s princess. Instead, I fantasized wearing lipstick, high heels, and carrying a briefcase with my initials on it.
Basically, I dreamt of being a boss.
This isn’t to say that a woman can’t be equal parts CEO and blushing bride. Because in this day and age, I believe girls have figured out how to have it ALL over a lifetime on her own terms.
Frankly, no woman should have to wait for someone to put a ring on it. We’ve been conditioned to believe that a diamond ring symbolizes true love. The diamond ring means that someone has chosen us. But shouldn’t women choose themselves first?
It’s time we start professing our love to our damn selves. Because life is hard. And we deserve all the rewards for handling the pressures that make diamonds day in and day out with grace.
So maybe it’s a diamond on your right hand. Maybe it’s a solo vacation. Or maybe just a glass of Prosecco. Treat yourself. Give yourself a daily reminder to keep on shining when the world feels heavy. Something that symbolizes “I can, I have, and I will do it”… whatever “it” is.
Someone someday may come along that makes life a little sweeter. This could be a lover, a friend, or whatever. But then again, maybe they won’t. Maybe you’ll be on your own for a while. And that’s ok. Our worth doesn’t depend on the validation or acceptance of anybody else. Because like Beyonce once sang, “I depend on me.”
So all the women who are independent (single or not), throw your hand up, and put a ring on it… if you want.
photo credit: Marco van Rijt
Never forget your passport.
Landing at Landvetter Airport home in Gothenburg [Sweden]. Then I know I am home again.
I always bring my drum pad that I use in our live shows. Anything else can get lost except that one because then I’d be lost.
Try to get in to the day/night rhythm as quick as possible no matter how tired you are. And don’t eat until you want to fall asleep. Works sometimes, at least…
I try to read and not watch any movies if I want to sleep.
At the moment, it’s Pinocchio`s Nose by Leif G.W. Persson
Blades of Glory
Electric Ladyland by Jimi Hendrix
I like driving, so automobile.
[Anytime I’m] not tired, not hungry with my near and dear nearby
Little Dragon - “Klapp Klapp” (Nabuma Rubberband)